HOW TO SURVIVE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS?
Following many years as a front line Police Officer, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress, it came as a huge shock to me and took a while to sink in, however on reflection I’d suffered nightmares, flashbacks, heart palpitations, severe back pain for many years but had thought these symptoms were just a normal side effect of the horrors Police Officers witness at the sharp end of policing, I’d therefore come to accept them and just continued to feed the rote on a daily basis. I hid the symptoms, not telling anybody thinking that it was a sign of weakness and of course the Big Strong Sergeant can’t show weakness or speak of his pain.
I continued on this destructive path for many years, coping and not truly understanding what was happening to me or to my health, I was not able to build any type of loving relationship or a particularly intimate one. My mind had totally shut the door on that idea as I felt like an empty shell not wishing to burden any partner with the horrors that I’d seen. It came to a head at the end of 2016 , as for everyone staffing levels were particularly low , I was working 16 hour shifts to try and cover then I noticed that whilst driving to work , I would suffer flashbacks even if I heard a police siren , I was also having nightmares and sleeping about three or four hours a night , my back was in constant pain and , there was absolutely no support left in work , I found myself freezing during scenes that years before I would just dance through.
Then, even after being told that I should stop work by Occupational Health, I continued to work because I did not want to let the side down , well I’d let myself down as over the Christmas period , I collapsed at home , I woke up in the dark and realised that I had to seek help or I would die.
I was referred to see Dr Clarke-Walker by my GP, there I found a sanctuary of understanding and help, I d never really known about PTSD and its effects on both a persons mental and physical health, but on describing my symptoms to Dr Clarke-Walker he diagnosed me with PTSD, I was deeply shocked at the news and he offered me a great deal of support and understanding. I then decided to be treated by him as he specialises in trauma and I d been told by my GP that I’d probably have to wait a year before I would have any type of treatment from the NHS.
The decision I had made to stay with Dr Clarke-Walker, was in my mind a life saving decision, I had never really admitted to myself but I knew I was on the road to a heart attack, stroke, or even suicide. The treatment I received I found to be very effective. In fact, I was rather cynical, whether anything would work and seeing a Consultant Psychiatrist only happened on the television, it did not happen to me.
It was life saving treatment, both inside and out. Over the months of treatment, I found that I was taking back control of my mind. Rather than the nightmares which were taking control of me, my blood pressure decreased to normal, it had been over 190 mmHg systolic, my back pain disappeared, the nightmares decreased and I can now have a good night s sleep. It is only Dr Clarke-Walker I can thank for this, slowly but surely I began to heal under his trusted hands.
I’m fully aware that I do have a Mental Health condition , this is very indeed hard to admit to myself but something that I have now come to terms with and realise that I would probably have to monitor for the rest of my life. However, I no longer fear that road. I do not feel alone, as I know that I can always seek help and have a very high standard of treatment from my Consultant Psychiatrist, who I now fully trust and has given me hope for my future. Rather than hiding in my shell, just waiting to clean up the next fatality, or driving myself into an early grave, which I fear may have been by my own hands.
Thanks Alastair,
for saving my life!!
Police Officer A